Trust #Depression_2

What do you do when everyone close to want's you dead? Or better when your own mom didn't want you right from the time she discovered you were a girl? Thinking back to all of it today, she doesn't even trust me when I step out with my papa's due permission. People laugh when I use words like trust and responsibility. Do they even have the slightest of idea why I spend all the possible time out of house? Because my mom can't stand me. I have seldom called friends from terrace and said bye but they stopped me from taking the next step. The person I blamed the whole while is the exact same person whose home is better than mine, for me. My friends come and ask me, "Have you ever consulted a psychiatrist?" Friends who have known me for 12 years have asked me that question more than they have said "Hello." 48.5 was my mistake. But who is to be blamed for this post, I do not have the slightest of idea. Yeah, its all my fault. Trying to come back from that phase, studying hard again. Being "Over Friendly". Trusting. And then breaking it. Finally apologizing for all of it. Even being forgiven. And then crashing down once again. Last time "I" was the problem. This time at least I have people to live for.  Because 48.5 made me realize that I can't continue living only for myself. Today, standing on the edge I have friends to call and say "Good bye." Today, I have friends slapping me hard to even think of such things. Today, I have people who fight me as "Why do I care, so much?" But then all of these things seem so useless as everything begins at home. And here, I am doing the worst. I spend almost 14 hours out of my home everyday so that I could avoid arguments. So that I could study in peace. So that I could be happy. And it hurts a lot, when you get tagged for it. Don't judge a person, if you don't know what are they going through. For it hurts to listen things about you. And from people who know everything, it just adds to the burden. Readers, please if someone calls you and say "Bye." Don't ignore they might be standing on the edge, and then you would just regret.

© Aditi Tiwari 2016. Dark Blue Anecdotes™


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