Let it go

What you do when your are so hurt that you rather prefer death of given a choice.  I am not here to blame anyone.  But with each passing day the hurt only increases.  When you have been this hurt you smile but do you eyes smile too? When at every given point the guilt keeps inside you bleeding and you have to pretend.  For every hurtful thing you said was only for him and his betterment.  Because you want him to be happy.  Because you want him to smile, laugh and enjoy his life.  Because you don't want to put him through all of the things you have been through.  But what if he says get the fuck out of my life? What is he says leave me alone,  let me be myself,  rid yourself of me,  never reply or message back, you know the reason and if you don't ask anyone and what not.  For be was the only one for me and maybe I was no one.  He cares about his image,  has he ever thought what he does to my image when he plainly denies,  no weren't in a relationship.  For all the people that have asked him that he replied in the same way and sadly those are the exact same people I shared everything with.  I am not blaming him,  it just hurts to realize the person you love so much hates you with the exact same intensity.  It hurts when you realize that he means the world to me and I am just a mistake of his life. It hurts to see him so happy and cheerful without me when there is not a single moment I don't remember him and go down on a guilt trip.  It hurts that all I want is him to be back and all he wants is me to never ever return.  It hurts all I have done and said I try to remain true to it while he finds and articulates a new reason to leave and hate me.  It hurts that he is creating new memories without me everyday and I still can't get out the conversations we once had.  All of it hurts and I still can't let him go while all he wants is me to leave him alone.

© Aditi Tiwari 2016.  DBA™ All rights reserved. 

Honesty Is Not The Best Policy

Game over

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I know I have no right to contradict the statement that was put forward years back and claimed to be the best of all quotes ever written in the history of literature. But that was the time where honesty was really rewarded and appreciated but in today's world, its not. And thus the quote needs a change. Change is the only constant. And its a widely accepted theory of "Survival Of The Fittest." The theory on which the building blocks of the biggest genocide in the history took place, The Jewish Genocide under the command of Adolf Hitler. And that theory holds true even till date. Actually that is the only theory that I think makes complete sense with a practical approach. But I am not here to discuss that. My point is, as of today, 22nd January 2016, the quote "Honesty is the best policy" in not as valid as it was a few years back. I wont like to give larger than life instances to prove is but I would definitely like to share some of my experiences and basis of my disagreement with that quote. Last year, I had been candid about organizing Children's Day for the student of our school and in that moment of adrenaline I posted it on Facebook. My teachers got annoyed at me as I yet didn't take the permission of the school authorities. I accepted that point. But after that, everything I posted on my own personal timeline would be judged with different point of views from every teacher. Till the time my teachers judged and get annoyed at me I was fine. I don't expect even my parents to welcome that kinda thing. But when the people I talked to very fondly and even they would be sportingly involved in the conversation, and being my seniors, were so immature that they rather than telling me that , told, rather complained about my "Over Friendly" behavior to my elder sis. I don't know at that time if I was being "Over Friendly" or they were behaving "Over Childish" to rather than bitch about it , should have had the guts to speak it on my face. I don't even mind if you abuse me with the harshest language you can, until and unless you do it on my face, or if I confirm it you, you accept that you did. What I hate the most is when you bitch about me behind my back and in front of me you behave like I am the most important person in your life. This was one of the instances. Next one is when I was in a relationship with a person. First of all, it was my bad to take such a big decision at such a tender and unstable age and even non comprehensive state of mind. But I don't regret it. Its life. You got to experience it to decide if it was the right choice or wrong decision. It was definitely a right choice in terms of the person I chose. But I think the wrong decision was the age. I acted far more than my age permits. But no regrets as those two months were the best two months of my life and they forever would be. Coming back to the topic, I agree I am not the most honest person in the world. But to that person, I can acclaim that I never spoke a lie too. Of course I mean the ones that would matter. I'd anyways lie to him a lot just to fulfill the excitement when he would get tensed and the care he once had for me. But this honesty was not accepted by him. I don't blame him for anything. let alone be relationship, if in your life , you start feeling uncomfortable, at any given point of time you have the right to stop continuing the task. For my friend, its your life first. The thing that hurts me the most is just the reason that the person gave me. And of course the way he asked me to leave him alone. I, the most honest I could be, tried my level best to explain the situation to him. But the fact is, this is the first time I am doing so. Because he wanted me to back off right and there. I have no right to say what he did was wrong. I am just telling that what he did hurt me to this extent that I no believe there no thing like "Love" . Its like a virtual game two people play. To win. Some people play the game victoriously with all the crashes and wrecks and timeouts and end in the merit list. And some with the first crash , Quit. For me, it is like the famous Saw Film Series. You are tied to a fatal trap called love. You have as much as time you desire. But if you can't decode the trap properly and try to alter it, the broken glass would stab you right in the heart. And then you would bleed the tears of blood internally till your last breath. But that's not it , for as the social being you are, you are expected to smile and say you are fine. Or Else

Game over. 

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© Aditi Tiwari 2016 . DBA™ . All Rights Reserved. 

An open letter to that one person who took away my life from me.

The people who claim to know me don't even need to ask for the name for proudly the soul I got from God doesn't allow me to reveal the name of that one person who has hurt me the most in my life.  For her I broke the relation of three years of cherished friendship.  For that one person I took the every foul tag stabbed at me.  And why did that person do? Nothing much simply took away my life from me.  I can understand that,  the person cares, trusts and loves but that doesn't mean I don't.  Maybe my level in nothing in front for the person.  Maybe the person is right. And maybe after sometime I'd regret writing this but as I said thank god that I even after so much can't even dislike the same person as that person meant a lot to me.  And yet means a lot to me.  But then choice and rules are ones own and even if that person has the worst opinion about me I am damn  cool with it.  For the opinion she had only and only I am to be blamed.  The thing that hurt me is what other people did being influenced by her opinion about me.  I respect the relation of friendship the most but I respect the trait of individuality in character.  I never had any problem in people disliking me. It's their personal choice.  And there is where all the problems lie.  I respect personal opinions not public ones.  If you are ever asked to judge a person not only put on the same shoes but travel the road that the person had traveled.  Along with the harsh storms,  thunder,  massive downpours, bright sunlight and the spring.  For life changes every second and your opinions too.  Remember,  even when you are in a heated argument,  of course, say what your heart asks you.  But then be this strong that even if you regret what you said you have the courage to stand up for it and apologise.  For apologies take less and than to forgive.  And lastly,  we all have regrets,  always make sure that your priced possession doesn't pay that cost for you can loose everything in this life and one day earn it back but never forget don't hurt a person to that extent that the person loses the life itself.

© Aditi Tiwari 2016. Dark Blue Anecdotes™