Friendship III

We have heard of long distance relationships, right? And we don't think they hold. Why? I don't know. I am sixteen and I don't believe in anything that I haven't gone trough yet.  But I do have many long distance friendships. Like over international boundaries too. And with someone 90 kms away, well its complicated! I do want to trust her but then I don't trust myself how can I trust someone else. But she is so much more than a friend but not exactly family. We quarrel like siblings and care like sisters but we aren't sisters. She is just a friend I met when I was 4. In Jr. KG. And its been 12 years that I know her. But it was only when she went 90 kms away that I realized what she meant to me. I never would be able to tell her how much she matters to me because then we both would have expectations and that is something at least I can't live up to. We are almost inseparable. We talk daily for hours. For me, when I am talking to her, she is the only person I care about. And when she is studying she is the only one I think about. She is that one person, without whom, I can't imagine my life anymore. Yeah, we plan future like she'd be in France, I'd be in Germany and then we would roam the whole world in holidays.

I know her ambitions, she knows my passions,

I know her past, she predicts my future,

I know what she likes, she knows my hatred,

I know she cares, she knows I love,

I know she will always be there for me , she knows I won't leave her ever.

Who is she?? Well keeping guessing. 

 © Aditi Tiwari 2016 Dark Blue Anecdotes™

Sorry.

When is the wrong or the right time to say sorry? when you have committed the mistake or when your are going to commit a mistake and before hand you should apologize? Why can't people never understand that committing a mistake is not a voluntary action. Like personally, I have committed countless mistakes but God, every single person has forgiven me. Expect some who hold grudges of course. Like today, yesterday I apologized for the biggest mistake I have ever committed in this life of SIXTEEN years. But I was forgiven because the soul is so pure and unaltered that she trusted me more than anyone else. And then we both knew each others importance in our life. But is forgiving someone so easy? No! Because some mistakes are truly unforgivable. And that's when your trust was trashed. For me, Trust takes time to build and seconds to breach. I breached trust once, I am yet not forgiven for that. Yeah, we have moved on but that doesn't mean that I am rid off the guilt I carry. Guilt is a weight that will crush , you deserve it or not!  And I completely deserve it. Because I breached the trust of the person, who trusted me more that the person trusted self. And this mistake is something even I won't forgive myself for. Ever! You know it is not always about winning. Sometimes its about realizing why can't you win? Or If you deserve to lose? An argument can lead to many things, it could kill the equation you share forever Or, it could give a new name to the previous equation. But if you always argue to win, you may only get the former forever. Realization is the first step of apologizing. Now, apologizing doesn't always mean accepting that what you did was wrong, sometimes, you could apologize to just ensure that you don't lose on something vital for you. It isn't always necessary that the other person would realize their mistake, sometimes we have to take initiative to make them understand what they did was wrong and it hurt you. And that is not at all being desperate. We say things unmindful of the seriousness of the situation and casually and sometimes we don't realize that , that casualness could be taken seriously from the counter part and he may carry the grudge since.  Carrying grudges is also one of the things I don't appreciate because it leads you no where. You have a problem, speak right and there. May there be fights, arguments, split ups and its even possible you guys wont even talk to each other after that. But just think, what about the second probability? May be at first you both feel disappointed and hurt by each others action but then someday you will understand that what you did was even wrong and you both would that day apologies and then everything would be back to what is was. The only thing is : Don't avoid discussions. 17 months and I yet don't know the proper reason for which I had to pay cost, even today. Because I never tried asking properly what was the problem? Speculations and predictions in any relationship can never be better than reasons and discussions. Communication gap causes more destruction than misunderstandings. Take a stand, ask, apologize and then live happily ever after with no regrets because its never to late to say Sorry. 

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© Aditi Tiwari 2016. Dark Blue Anecdotes™