Friendship IV

How many friendships are to be discussed on the blog? Well I don't know. This is a detour to the first post. Its not always easy to live up to expectations. And the worst part is when you expected and they weren't there. When you needed, they weren't there. And finally when you choose someone else over them they have a problem and I am like what? 

Well friendship with her was never easy. Throw back to 2014, those were the most happening 10-15 days of my life. And she was a vital part of them. Met on the little discussion about Children's Day (2014) the dooms day of my life. And then when Aditi Tiwari gets attached , she falls deep. And of course I loved spending time with her but that wasn't quite the same from her side. As an Ambanian forever, she complained. Like what? 

Smashing of door right on her face to ignoring her while passing by in that narrow corridor in front of the staff room on the second floor followed suit. And that is typical Aditi Tiwari behavior after a conflict or argument.   But whom was I kidding? 

The post Odd on the blog is about her because in the shelter of all the misunderstandings I could not just say that I didn't miss her. Like hell I did. Damn, I am way too egoistic. And thus I put on a straight face and arrogant behavior.  Like seriously I should put some sense in my thinking before speaking shit or zip up for the entire life left with me, speaking nonsense has become a great habit. And did I regret that, for sure! Because it takes courage to forgive someone for that kind of nonsense. And of course she did. 

Friendship with her is not that easy. Because usually I adore the qualities of my friends, but she is different and so is our friendship.As for sure she can't tolerate me. And that goes for all the people who know me. And frankly speaking I can never get enough of her.  Because when we are alone that happens once in a year  we are too cute like really I cherish that once in a lifetime moment when I can be myself in front of her leaving behind the past. But when joined by company, I maintain the straight face again. 

I wish I could really ( Ctrl+Z ) what all I did in 2014 and she will definitely be my favorite mistake. I know I have spoken a lot of bullshit that I can't take back. And I know she might be holding it too but that's the best thing about her.. she never brings that back to counter an argument and when we have an argument the decibel level rises bad. But that is for like two minutes then back to normal.

To console someone when they are at their worst a day before the most awaited day of your entire school life, takes courage too and quoting Richard Castle : "You are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met. And I love you." Guess what, I mean it to you. 

She has really seen the best and worst of me and I don't even know her middle name. Okay that was lame. But really she knows me very well and I just discover a new trait and interest of her every time I speak to her. And than too is very rare because she is always busy. 

I know and like the bottom line of the series of these posts I mean nothing to her but for me she is damn special.

To the most cherish-able mistake of my life, RD

Aditi Tiwari.

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© Aditi Tiwari 2016. DBA™

       

Already missing X

Its been almost a month to leaving that habit of getting up in the rush and going to school. Often with the tension of not completing the Maths H.W. . That cold breeze in the morning and headphones stuffed in the ears but do I even remember which song was I listening to ? No. Because I was too preoccupied with n- number of things running in my mind. About the pending submissions, the allotted Formative Assessments and finally facing the school I have been facing for 12 years now. I don't remember holding onto anything as I have held on to Jamnaben Hirachand Ambani School, Lodhivali. Since J.r.K.G to 10th . 

People say school is your second home, well, my only home is my school JHAS and for sure I am a proud Ambanian and I will always be. If the credit of what I am today, good, bad or ugly , goes to my school. And definitely I am able to write this post because only from the start my teachers have pushed me to do my level best. And today , during boards, sitting at home and having nothing to do apart studies I miss my school.

Sometimes the tension is better than the relaxation. I really miss how tensed I use  to get to go to school. Everyday. Because each day is different and I can't predict how I am going to behave and how far will it ruin my image. Again. This was the start of my 10th (B) Session 2015-16. Completing holiday homework has always been a really torturous task for me because I never actually liked fulfilling formalities. And back then I took as a burden. But I was at par with it before the session began after the Summer Holidays. 

Tenth B. My class and batch. Well its been 12 years seeing some familiar faces everyday and yet I feel I don't know anyone out there. I really I am weak in understanding people. I misunderstand some and expect a lot from others. But really out of all the people I have been close to I don't even till date have answers to some unanswered question that still haunt me on a sleepless night. But then I do have some friends that I can understand. And that friendship has really been trough a lot of ups and downs but proudly the only time we have fought in X (B) was when the person shouted at me , " Why do you care, so much, when you know you are going to be hurt?" But what hurt me was how much that person broke to let those words out. I just wanted to be there for the person so that the person doesn't deal with all the things alone, as I had to. And then like the person said the series of fights never ended and I was not in any condition to say anything more after I got the statement "You have no right to speak between our friendship!" Sadly, that was the I cried in my 10th and till date I am. Because I lost a very sacred bond and amusingly this tie it wasn't my fault!

Well talking about tenth and not mentioning about the Formative Assessments would be quite inappropriate. Oh my God! So many of them. But they won't be there anymore. Huh! I loved impromptu speeches because I hardly kept track of the dates allotted beforehand for the Formative Assessments.  I remember last moment studies for the pen and paper test. I miss that stupid smile on some of the faces of my batch mates whenever I was giving any presentation. I remember the plays and most of all I remember the Maths Presentations. Because its this thing that me and another guy we are the only ones who ask doubts. Now why is that so remarkable and worth mentioning is we didn't ask doubts casually. But like it was a competition of who would ask how many doubts and like constant counter striking we would fire one after one doubts and thanks to the faculty we have at JHAS they never actually got annoyed.  And one more best academics related memory would be when everyone including my teachers tagged me as "Oswal-wali-bai" I found it hilarious as I used to carry Oswal Sample Question Papers for Science, Maths and Social Science everyday in my bag. 

Annual Day 2015-16 was exceptional like every Annual Day I have had since 2004. Annual Day is that time of the year when I get close to teachers, far from classmates, and chose wrong people to be with. Regrets, not exactly. Because dancing with my friends is like having dutch cake with sizzling chocolate brownie. Dance and friends and of course foods are one of those things I don't trade for anything. At all. And then of course, being able to take part in the dance of my favorite teacher was a chilled ice cube in the coke. All along helping to make the Back Drop and simultaneously typing for the School Magazine are some of the things I won't ever forget. The experience wasn't the most pleasant one for sure but then asking for more would be downright selfishness. 

How can I forget mentioning the Manali Trip and Adlabs Imagica picnic. I love this things about my friend circle. When we go, we go together or we don't go at all. And those were some days that would be with me till the last breathe because when you are almost  1966.1 km away from your home, in a place prone to land slides during the time when a great earthquake caused havoc in Nepal. We need trust. And fun for a person so pessimistic as I am, God, my friends bare with a lot of apathetic and rude behavior at times and they need to handle me because when not in school premises I am even more worst. Kudos! To my whole group and the fun we had in the Chandigarh - Manali Trip.

 

Today, as of 6th March 2016, I am 2 days away from writing my second board paper for the year. These are some things I shared because studying and competing for ranks is something I don't remember when I look back at eh 12 years. Make each day count. Not all memories are supposed to be golden. But the fights, tiffs, splits and arguments seem worth less now when I have only 4 official days left with some of the people I really can't let go of. Its been a long post but I am proud that it didn't finish in my draft folder. 

To the best 46 of X B 2015-16

Aditi Tiwari

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© Aditi Tiwari 2016. Dark Blue Anecdotes™

Lost and hurt.

 Anger overpowers the actual purpose, arguments presented in an angry state of mind are the ones I regret the most.

- Aditi Tiwari.

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These are the two words I often use to describe my life. Lost and hurt. Lost because we all need someone to share our thoughts to. Someone in person. And that one person I am looking for 16 years now. Not the thoughts that I post here. The thoughts that I speak out loud. Shout and wail about in loneliness. And those true words are lost because they aren't ever heard. I am close to many people and most to my brother but yet I can't tell anyone of them of those shouts and cries I let out in the extreme vulnerability of anger. But what is the cause of that anger? Hurt. So much of regrets and guilt that once it all gets the power of voice and I shout at myself for all the wrong decisions I took. Anger is one of those things that are better controlled or else they lead to destruction. I am not exactly a short tempered person. Its hard to really offend me. When with friends, I hardly get offended by abuses, mockery, sarcasm and shitload of taunts. But I allow no one, to speak about the decisions I have made in life. I know that I have made worst, but that is my life. My punishment. I don't like interference in my personal life without my permission. And sometimes even the permitted ones have to bear with the frustration and rudeness of my behavior when I get angry. I don't get angry uselessly. I talk in a loud pitch for most of the times but when I am angry.. the decibel changes. And it changes big. There was this thing I was over obsessed with until last year. Banging hand on the desk. My friends even tagged me as the "Punching wall" on my birthday card. They know me well I guess. Time is just a number, if you decided to discover the soul is the destination. And seriously we are soulmates. Sakshi and Sanskruti, yeah I am talking about you guys. I know we will never be Best Friends Forever. Again. Because that is a thing meant for only once. And we surely did have it once. I think I lost is somewhere in Ninth. (2014-15) But you know what, out of all the things I lost two years back, I miss you both the most. It hurts me to ignore you guys. Darn, I am sorry for missing the b'day. But I am hurt. Because sadly you people didn't even notice the absence. While all I can think about making everything like it once was we have this huge gap of 2 years of formality between us. One and a half maybe. I know I haven't done great things. I am the one responsible for this. All I wanted was you people to come and tell me that it hurt you. Always forgiving me for the mistakes is supporting me to take you for granted. I have always done that. And one fine day when I realize I lost it, I am left with nothing but guilt. I know I have spoken ton of useless things. I know I have let people in our friendship. I know I have trusted people when you warned me. I know I committed mistakes but you forgave me. I know I am a bad soul and all along you made me feel good. I am sorry. That's all.

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© Aditi Tiwari 2016 Dark Blue Anecdotes™