Strangers... Friends... Strangers.

Aisa bhi kya milna, saath ho ke tanha
Aisi kyun saza humne hai paayi
Raanjhna ve, phir se mujhe jeena
Tujhpe hai marna,
Phir se dil ne di hai ye duhaai
Saajna ve, lakeeron pe likh di kyu judaai

22nd June 2017 

Thursday 

I remember writing a post where I mentioned a day like that won't repeat itself in the near future but I guess I was wrong and I underestimated my life. Because if a day like today repeats itself then maybe I wont write anymore. So starting your today cannot be good when you had a messed up yesterday. And so was mine. I fought with you and I said everything that I shouldn't have but so did you, didn't you? You just managed to piss me off enough to realize my greatest fear of all time. To abandon you. We always used to kid that "Do you seriously think I'll leave you? Just like that?" but yesterday I did. And I know you must be thinking I reacting on an issue that no of your other friends do but then am I like all your other friends? I don't know. Are we even friends? I honestly don't know. But then I asked you not speak with me for a while and I think you just.. Well read on because a couple of drastic things happened between that. So Business Studies paper and I was sitting in front of you (a different person than before) and you are glued to your notebook. I know we had a fight that we kept on hold for our exams but that didn't mean to ignore each other. I was yet there. Like everyday before. I was there but even you had to piss me off enough to leave with swearing and not even wishing you luck. And then till now we had no conversation whatsoever. I was heading towards the bus top with a couple of friends who have grown closer than you two I suppose. The people with whom I was supposed to leave were atleast halfway ahead of me. I had an urge every now and then to go join them but I guess fate kept me away as when I was about to cross the highway with a friend we saw our classmates rushing towards the middle of the road. The people whom I was supposed to belonged with at that very moment met with an accident. A biker lost control and hit one of my friends. And the other just fell from the impact. They got hurt but nothing major. Back home tired AF as routine I plugged in my earphones and started watching 13 reasons why. The plan was to watch one episode (11th) and get some sleep. But lately life wasn't going at all according to what I plan. So I ended up sacrificing my beloved sleep for completion of the first season. And then did I regret it? Not even a bit. It was just perfect! But then my enjoyment was short lived as I had to prepare for the Economics paper that is due tomorrow. That's all folks! Till now that's all. Oh wait I forgot. Yeah so when I went to walk after studies you (the first one) saw me. You did see me. Even if for a spilt second but you ignored me even faster. But I shouldn't fell bad, right? You were just.. I don't know 'following' me? Following what I said to not speak with me for a while. Then why did I feel so bad that here I am writing this fucked up post about you? About us? But then you left, I left, right? I guess what you and me are left with are memories and strangeness. Because from strangers... To friends... To strangers. Both of you. 

That's all. 

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© Aditi Tiwari 2017. DBA™ All Rights Reserved. 

Aisa bhi kya milna, saath hoke tanha
Aisi kyun sazaa humne hai paayi, Ranjhana ve
Phir se mujhe jeena, tujhpe hai marna
Phir se dil ne di hai ye duhaai, Saajnaa ve
Laqeeron pe likh di kyun judaai..

Read more: http://www.lyricsmint.com/2015/01/judaai-badlapur.html

Aisa bhi kya milna, saath hoke tanha
Aisi kyun sazaa humne hai paayi, Ranjhana ve
Phir se mujhe jeena, tujhpe hai marna
Phir se dil ne di hai ye duhaai, Saajnaa ve
Laqeeron pe likh di kyun judaai..

Read more: http://www.lyricsmint.com/2015/01/judaai-badlapur.html

Change for the good!

A day that won't repeat itself in the near future. I took a leave from school today to go the camp set up by the government for my learning license. We stood there from 9.30 to 1.45 straight for about four hours to get the work done. And then after coming back home I went to play cricket because however bad my legs
hurt cricket is love and there are days when I have no one to play with. So coming back to the point of writing this post was while I was going through my Instagram feed I found a page Quotes World which posts well know quotes from all around the world. So one of the quotes was "A year changes you a lot." And that's the last post I read today because this quote actually made sense. Not that the others didn't but this one left a major impact on me. Last year if we consider my eleventh standard then yes it has changed me a lot. And how.. Well read on. Frankly speaking I don't even know how did I finish a year so boring! I mean literally there is not one good moment to look back to. I have enjoyed far more in the one month of twelfth standard than the whole of eleventh. But then maybe this was the reason I changed. I look back to the chats with the person who is so important to me now and all we talked in eleventh was for exchange of notes. Just that. And I am a person who doesn't make friends with a lot of people. I mean I do but a very few of them really matter to me. And when in eleventh with probably no friend at all in the class I realized the smaller that list is the better. Because caring about more and more people is only going to bring disappointments in your life. Eleventh also taught me an emotion called patience. Because during the initial months of the commerce field I chose I would understand nothing taught in class and it all seemed so useless. The same things that are so fun now. That I often used to doubt my selection of stream. But that's when I told myself to be patient. And then with the flow of time things got smooth and now I am so in love with commerce specially Business Studies that I won't trade it for the world. My temperament also changed a lot. I was way too short tempered before. If you really know me you'll know what I am talking about and how much I have changed. Like even petty things would get me fired up AF. But now even in the most heated arguments I have learned to keep a cool head. With the exception of some people. Because out of all the things in this world, words are something you can't take back. So choose them wisely even when you are angry. And the last thing that the last year taught me was to choose your friends wisely. Though however I am yet not so good but believe me I am much better. Because when you have no one to share all your happiness and sorrows you feel kinda lonely but trust me it's much better than sharing those with the wrong people. At this moment if at all anyone really matters to me like their opinion is the first thing I seek whenever in dilemma, their text is the one that lights up my entire mood, their face is the first thing I want to see in the morning and they are the one whom I want to talk to right before I sleep. So a person like this, only and only one. And I hope this doesn't change because we both enjoy unshared attention for each other, by each other. The person's a she definitely. But I wont reveal who. I have other friends too but they don't matter this much to me. But then again if I spend a day without talking to her obviously my mood isn't the best but not that bad too as I have some other idiots who keep me distracted in their own weird way. So to sum it up eleventh was a learning experience and twelfth is showtime! That's all.

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© Aditi Tiwari 2017. DBA™ All Rights Reserved.

Somethings Are Best Unsaid

2nd June 2017

Friday

Ahh.. Today was a long day and I am in no mood to write this one at least but then the feelings will get bottled up and I am in no mood to face another outburst. So somethings are best unsaid. That's true. But can you really deal with something that constantly keeps eating you on the inside. I mean the more happier I pretend to be the more depressed I am on the inside. Is it a crime to care for someone? To get attached to someone? And moreover is it okay to really want someone in your life and what if you are unknowingly making them uncomfortable with your mere presence? How does that make you feel about yourself? Guilty? Well that's what I felt. Like seriously, I was feeling guilty about getting attached to someone. You know I have this thing. I feel that until I say something out loud it won't be true but today I bottled up the courage to state that it  hurts when you give your 100% in a friendship and don't even receive 20% in return. I could smile all day and put of a happy face and say that it doesn't matter but at the end of the day it does matter. and it does hurt. But then what are you going to do? Continue and make someone uncomfortable or back out completely? I was having the same dilemma and wanted to speak to someone about it. I called my bae but she wasn't there. I called my brother and he wasn't there. For once I felt that sometimes you gotta face the terrible things happening in your life yourself. But then I remembered an old friend to whom I haven't spoken for 2 straight years. But that was my last resort. I called her and it felt like just yesterday that I last talked to her. She didn't change even a bit. She heard me with all the patience in the world and provided me with some solutions so that I don't get trapped in a depressed web of feelings. Then my bae called me and her response was totally different. She wanted me to fight it with anger this time. She felt I was done being sweet but all that was because she can't see me like this. Broken. But at the end of the day I need to sort up things myself. Do I feel bad? Definitely. Do I feel good that I shared it with the person? Yes. Do I feel I jeopardized our friendship? I don't know. But now I am going to keep myself under check and not get attached to anyone. I need t shut that door if I want to live a peaceful life. Another piece of advice from my side, even if you get attached to someone a lot, don't show. They might not always like it. 

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© Aditi Tiwari 2017. All Rights Reserved. DBA™