Refresh.

Distance will tell you the real meaning of closeness. Surprisingly enough this was a post of a meme page that struck a cord and made me write this one. Well those were my exact thoughts at 1.57 am when I was endlessly scrolling my Instagram. I had just finished reading yet another blog for CAT preparation and come to think of it I guess I've spend more time reading these blogs than actually implementing what I read. Life right now is actually going pretty well to be writing. Given that I only write when I am facing and emotional turmoil or a nervous breakdown. I am quite sorted with my prep though it might not be as much as those blogs recommended I feel that I am in a comfortable position. I have started reading novels again. Chetan Bhagat. I hope that still counts as reading. I've been watching an ceaseless array of movies of every possible genre. And also I've been reading business related articles which I find really intriguing. I've been meaning to add some more things to my reading list and will do that hopefully in the coming week. But these are the things that I've always been pretty comfortable around. The real change still remains to maintain the balanced emotional quotient. For quite some time now I've felt that the more detached you are from people the lesser are the chances of getting hurt by them. But then you crave that intimacy at some point. When you have something great to celebrate or a shoulder to cry on or to blow off steam so you don't get anxious again. If you are maintaining a distance you can't just abuse it when you like. Being detached also means that you'd have to go through all of the above stuff on your own. But let me tell you something, however sad it might seem it is really empowering to not feel that need for someone to be there for you 24*7. That does not mean that I have given up on humanity altogether. Instead, I have taken time from way-too-involved friendship and devoted it to some which might actually have a chance to be great someday. I have reconnected with a couple of school friends who seem to be genuinely interested to listen to what I have to say rather than brag about that personal lives all day long. Plus it's so refreshing to have a change of topic in conversations. To learn something new other than stupid nonsensical gossip. At the end if the day what matters is who you wanna talk to and who wants to listen to you talk. Rather than just waiting for their turn to speak. Cheers!

Aditi 💫 

Southside Serpents

 It's been a while and I thought I'd scribble something so that this blog isn't dead neither is my liking towards writing. So I'd been watching Riverdale again because I kinda skimmed it the last time and regardless of all the drama that the show has which is a lot, the thing that stand outs every time is the friendship. May it be Veronica & Betty or Archie & Jughead or even Cheryl at times that's the thing I love the most about the show. How no matter how hard it gets they all stuck together. 

Real life friendships are often more dramatic than a teen show. And it just gets complicated over the years. Like you think you know someone but you never know what time reveals. Well I have had my fair share of friendships and all I know about them is I enjoyed them. All of them.

Whether it is my childhood friends whom I had know since I knew there was a subject called Social Studies or some whom I met on a train journey and never met again because what are the odds of that happening but every one of my friendship taught me something valuable about life a lot more that any of the textbooks ever could.

While some taught me that no matter what may happen we'd find our way back to each other anyway. Even if we didn't talk daily or didn't exactly know what was happening with the other person right now it didn't matter. Cause we knew that the moment one of us needs the other we are just a phone call away. And that kinda trust didn't develop overnight. It took years of fighting, bitching, hating each other to say the least but at the end realizing that we are all on the same team because we are our favorite kinda people. And that's the thing about school friends no matter how many friends you make after them, their place in your life remains unchallenged, forever.

Then there are some people who we have nothing in common with. You aren't the same age. You don't go to the same school. Heck you don't have the same interests but somehow those are the exact reason you are friends with such people. They challenge you to do something new. They break the monotony. And believe me when things go down in the above paradise, these friends are the one who make you see clearly. From needing a different POV to watching a film of a genre who never thought you were going to, these people are exactly what make life fun.

Friendships teach you how much it means when a person trusts you. Counts on you. And loves to have you around. It teaches you that its okay to not be perfect cause if you were heck bitch we wont be friends. But most of all it teaches us how to get trough life enjoying and cherishing every moment, how you are never alone in this strange world and how if you ever killed someone or did something more stupid not that I think killing someone is stupid (Its fascinating) all of your dumbass friends won't let you go down and enjoy prison alone.

Nostalgia

Revisiting the old moments is much more than what could be put in just a single word. Sometimes when we look behind we can't really believe that all that cringe worthy stuff was actually done by us and it creeps us out till no limits. But sometimes a few moments are so priceless that whenever we reminisce those we just don't seem to get enough. 

I sometimes miss the person I was. Especially in like 7th or 8th grade. That carefree spirit. No regrets of the past no future expectations. Just looking forward to everyday and making the best out of it. Life used to revolve around some friends, some shows and some books. School felt more like home than home. Life was easy back then or it still is. I guess all that's changed is me. 

As we grow up we tend to over complicate things. Life is still the same. All that's left to do is not let the 12 year old get pressurized by the unnecessary worrying of the 20 year old. 

After having caught a fleeting moment of nostalgia today I'll try to be the old me who knew to find happiness in small moments of life. Who didn't ponder too much on what other think of her. Who used to live life as it is. Who made sure that no day passed without being an awesome memory to look back upon. And most importantly who didn't fear dreaming and believing that they'll come true. 

- Aditi Tiwari 

The Middle

Beginnings and endings are the easiest, it's the damned middle that has all the hardships. Think about a 100m sprint. You know the beginning. You have practiced it a thousand times. And you know the end. You've dreamt about it forever. But it's the middle that decides who'll win the race. The right acceleration at the right moment and the continuous fight for breath to keep giving your 100% are the real challenge. Life isn't much different and people neither.

When you begin to know a person, it's all flowers and rainbows. You start getting to know each other. The very basics. All you know about a person in the start is what they've told you. There are so many people in our life that we know only till the beginning stage. Think about it, your classmates, your colleagues, your bosses. What you know about them is strictly limited to the details they want you to know. But it's our choice to know a person beyond this. That's the gap between acquaintance and friend. We start asking questions and judging the response. It is still the answers that we know but to the questions we specifically asked. We start learning things that shape our perception  about the person. And that's when it gets tough. When we develop a liking towards a person. 

You wouldn't mind if your acquaintance took a day to reply to your message but if your friend does the same you start questioning their position. We think of all sorts of possibilities when in reality maybe he's just been really busy completing a deadline. The point I am trying to make is as a person starts getting closer to you, you start setting some unconscious standards about their behaviour. And also you start noticing the little variations in the person's personality. Your knowledge about your friends now is not comprised of what they've let on but of what you've observed. We start expecting certain things. We start getting hurt by things that are in reality nom existent. And this is where most friendships get complicated. Rather than perceiving things as they are we start comparing them. We start over thinking minute issues that could have been easily resolved if they were ever brought up by anyone of us. It's this utter state of dilemma when we like our friend a lot but also are in a constant fear of betrayal. The things are as simple as they were at the start but we have reached the rocky middle. 

We just need to remind ourselves of the reason why we thought that this person could be more than just an acquaintance. We need to put aside our assumption of things and try to look at the reality of them. We need to cast aside the false standards set by everyone else and remind ourselves of all the good times we had in the beginning. We need to ponder upon the fact that if the person is so special and important to us then why should we let trivial issues in the way of our relation. I am not saying that there aren't relationships and friendships that must be ended for our betterment. I am just saying that we must not lose hope just because the going got tough. 

As we aim at simplifying things, the simpler they seems to appear. Complications are results of trying to do things before their right time. 

Individuality

02.01.2020

Thursday

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It the world full of tags and mentions people really forget who they are. It doesn't count as a new year if you don't post a pic of it tagging your best buds who in reality you don't even see that often. You are a bore if you saw the latest TV series but didn't put a snap of their logo on your story on the day it released. It is not considered travelling anymore if you don't upload a picture with a geotag. 

I've been there and done that. Trust me, the FOMO caught up with me as well until one day it dawned upon me that the moments I live will be exactly the same even if I don't post it online. We live in a world where you are judged by how you portray your life on your social media account. Like from the DMs to the CCs everything is judged and a superficial report card is made out of the no. of likes you got on a recent post or the no. of followers you have. But submitting to my FOMO I continued to do the above nevertheless. 

I was at a party and someone came up to me and said, "Hey how's your best friend?" Although, I had no recollection whatsoever of sharing this very detail with her. I just gave her a blank look and she remarked, "People know you by your stories (the uploaded ones of course) nowadays and not by who you really are." And I was left stunned. Because it was actually true. People who didn't meet me 24*7 had only my social media activities to judge me by and for them my life is just what I upload. And that's when all of my social media accounts went cold. For a while. 

In that moment of introspection, I thought to myself, Do I really wanna share what I pt up there or I have caught the viral FOMO? And the answer was affirmative. 

You are what you are. What somebody else thinks of you should not matter to you. Not even the slightest. They haven't had the same life as you did. They haven't seen the same storms. They haven't felt the same energy as you did and even if they did, they have no right to judge you. Nor should you care for their judgement as well. 

The human race exists because we all are different from each other. In the way we think. The way we act. And we should be proud of that. Own who you are and let the world decipher and gaze in awe to what a fantastic mess you are. It doesn't matter if you go out thrice in a week or not at all. It doesn't matter if everyone else is complaining about season 8 and you haven't even heard the name of the infamous GoT.  It doesn't matter if you still prefer Sheila ki Jawaani over Taki Taki. You know why? Because it is who you really are and not some borrowed personality made up to impress a world that can't appreciate the reality. 

In a world full of hashtags be a symbol you like the most. ™

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© Aditi Tiwari 2019. 

The Platform Discussions

There are several places that complement quality conversations. For some people it’s the cafes. For others it’s a quite spot in college where no one ever comes. Others like buzzing places with lots of noises in the backdrop so no one can overhear their conversation. Basically, the type of surroundings plays a role in dictating the dynamics of the conversation.

Me and my best friend spend our entire day together. Right from the moment we leave our homes till we leave college to reach home back we are ceaselessly in conversation with each other regard topics that vary from the usual – “What did you have for breakfast?” to serious in-depth conversation about the political scenario of the nation. She is one of those people whom I can talk to about the whole lot of things without getting jaded even once.

Yet, the best conversations we have are at the Platform. One of the most dramatic ones too. It is the end of the day. We leave from the college which is at walking distance from the station but the exhausted us take an auto rickshaw and even so we have to summit the great foot over bridge which seems as magnificent as the Everest. And so slowly and steadily we cross the bridge. Now earlier we used to bid each other goodbye and head the respective opposite ways with a mandatory confirmation that we both are attending the lectures tomorrow or not. But of late, unconsciously it has become a habit to discuss all kinds of stuff before parting ways.

Its an exceptional moment. The crowd around us is rushing to catch the train that’ll take them home. The other lot is rushing away from the station to quickly reach home. Everywhere the eyes can go there is a hurry in every step. People eager to leave and reach and there we are right where the foot over bridge ends and the platform begins. Both wanting to go home after a tiring day but also not wanting o leave each other so soon. And that’s the best part of the day. One eye fixed at the huge clock of the railway station and the other finding the platform for the next train that is five minutes later than the one that just left so as to prolong the discussion.

It is not that this is the last day of college. We are still half way to the farewell but it is just that we like spending our time together. Discussing our ambitions, inhibitions, reservations and perceptions. All we want is the train to be 2 minutes late so that we can finish an on going discussion because we know the value of that moment and quickly moments like this will become memories we’ll crave to recreate.

And thus, in the fast-moving lives we all must pause for a moment, and cherish the present. For it is all we have someday wished for. And it is something we will wish we had valued when looking back after some life has passed.

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© Aditi Tiwari 2019. Dark Blue Anecdotes™

After an year or so

I was just browsing through some videos on YouTube and came across a song that made me open my blog. I don't know why it just did and I realized that it has almost been an year or so since I last wrote. Its not like I can't think of anything to write about.. its just that I could not bring myself to write it down. So since my twelfth board exams concluded I haven't done anything productive yet and that it about almost three months. I got admission in the college I wanted and I am just waiting for it to start. I can't wait to meet new people and make new friends. You know maybe they are the ones that stuck. Or maybe not. And talking about friends and old one popped on my WhatsApp chat list few days back. It had been like five to six months since I had last talked to her properly. But that didn't seem to matter. We talked like it was just yesterday we had our last conversation. But then soon enough she stopped replying. But that's typical her.  But forgetting her and going back to the start of this post what I was really looking on YouTube was clips of a show I used to watch like an idiot. The Vampire Diaries. And my heart just goes out for the main couple in the start but things don't work out between them and they weren't exactly what I was watching. Actually the song I was listening to was one that played in the back when two of the people on show kissed for the first and BTW its a great song Yours By Ella Henderson. So on that note I'd like to end this post and hope that I'd be writing again soon. Till then goodbye.