Respect > Love

Two of my friends asked me, "Are you pissed?" "Are you alright" just because I didn't reply to them the way I usually do. I subscribe to the theory that my mood shouldn't define someone else's. I don't like being the person who can't look outside of their selfish world. But the past few days have been different. Being 22 isn't as easy as I thought it'd be when I was maybe 16. I just wanted to be 22 then. And now I just want to be sixteen again. To be that naïve and innocent. I have had this chat with myself lately about how I can no longer expect anyone to be good to me just because I am good to them. I guess it is a human tendency to not care about the people who care about us and always want the one who doesn't want us. The friends I am behaving rudely to genuinely care about me, but I am helping out another friend who felt so guilty about taking my help. Do you know why did she feel guilty? Because there is no friendship left there. We used to be really good friends, but we can't even speak to each other on the phone now. I don't know if she's afraid of it getting overboard again. I know what I am so scared of, though. I am afraid of myself. There might not be a lot of people I can cross oceans for. But there are some, and once I have reached that stage in any equation, it is damn difficult for me to retract myself. Trust me, and I tried hating her. I even now keep reminding myself of the moments she made me feel like shit. But I help her when she doesn't even need my help. That's how much I respect that person. And that is something I have come to realize. It is not about wanting to do something for a bond because you want it to last longer. Because I know there is nothing left in this bond. The shade of grey that it is stuck in is the awkward formal talking to each other just because it is too damn difficult to let go. And there's always this assurance that if everyone else disappoints, there's one person you can most definitely trust. And it is difficult to let go of someone you can depend upon and who has proved it time and again. But that doesn't in any way mean that you can abuse that vulnerability. It takes guts to talk to someone you have shut down so many times previously. It takes a lot of effort to recognize that you judged a person wrong and treated her worse. And it takes immense strength to talk to that person again. And you need to respect that. You need to understand that while it might be hard on the receiving end, the burden of guilt is always more significant on the other side. It is your unsaid responsibility not to let them feel that burden. Because if you respect a bond enough, you will always allow the person to go. The realization is not easy that their happiness lies outside of you, but it is essential to accept it. We must realize all who we meet aren't meant to stay in our lives forever. And it doesn't happen overnight. All of us love challenging the universe and working against it, but trust me, the universe knows better. And it is of paramount importance to realize that you don't lose a person just because you don't have the same kind of bond with them. You need to understand that bonds and equations and relationships keep redefining themselves at every point in time. I believe that if someone is happy staying close to me and being involved in my life internally, they can do that. But I am a strong proponent that if someone is comfortable being out of life but still wants to talk to me, it does not always cause they want something from me. It may be that. But it might also be because the closer you are, the more you hurt. Being detached is peaceful to an extent. It might not be fulfilling, and there may be times when you feel hurt and lost, but it is still significant. You can't blame someone for protecting themselves. Detached equations are just another coping mechanism. But always ensure respect in any equation cause you can easily do away without much love, but you will reach nowhere without respect. And that's why maybe I may not seem alright to some people cause I re-evaluated my stance on equations and reacted accordingly.