Somethings Are Best Unsaid
2nd June 2017
Ahh.. Today was a long day and I am in no mood to write this one at least but then the feelings will get bottled up and I am in no mood to face another outburst. So somethings are best unsaid. That's true. But can you really deal with something that constantly keeps eating you on the inside. I mean the more happier I pretend to be the more depressed I am on the inside. Is it a crime to care for someone? To get attached to someone? And moreover is it okay to really want someone in your life and what if you are unknowingly making them uncomfortable with your mere presence? How does that make you feel about yourself? Guilty? Well that's what I felt. Like seriously, I was feeling guilty about getting attached to someone. You know I have this thing. I feel that until I say something out loud it won't be true but today I bottled up the courage to state that it hurts when you give your 100% in a friendship and don't even receive 20% in return. I could smile all day and put of a happy face and say that it doesn't matter but at the end of the day it does matter. and it does hurt. But then what are you going to do? Continue and make someone uncomfortable or back out completely? I was having the same dilemma and wanted to speak to someone about it. I called my bae but she wasn't there. I called my brother and he wasn't there. For once I felt that sometimes you gotta face the terrible things happening in your life yourself. But then I remembered an old friend to whom I haven't spoken for 2 straight years. But that was my last resort. I called her and it felt like just yesterday that I last talked to her. She didn't change even a bit. She heard me with all the patience in the world and provided me with some solutions so that I don't get trapped in a depressed web of feelings. Then my bae called me and her response was totally different. She wanted me to fight it with anger this time. She felt I was done being sweet but all that was because she can't see me like this. Broken. But at the end of the day I need to sort up things myself. Do I feel bad? Definitely. Do I feel good that I shared it with the person? Yes. Do I feel I jeopardized our friendship? I don't know. But now I am going to keep myself under check and not get attached to anyone. I need t shut that door if I want to live a peaceful life. Another piece of advice from my side, even if you get attached to someone a lot, don't show. They might not always like it.
© Aditi Tiwari 2017. All Rights Reserved. DBA™